I felt like even though I struggled with pain and a headache all day it was not nearly as bad as yesterday. When I say I felt at 20%, some might say, yikes that’s not good. When most of the time you are in the negative or at something like 3%, 20% is huge. It felt encouraging to me to focus on some power supplements, and try to gain some ground on pain management. I used to research a lot of healthy food and supplements. I have a few that are what I consider worthy.

I am trying to understand this pain and headaches. It is worse on days I don’t sleep and there aren’t too many days that I do sleep well.

These are my power supplement faves and in therapeutic doses, not just at a tiny level mixed in a multi:

  • alpha lipoic acid
  • NAC
  • L-glutamine
  • Omega’s

  • turmeric
  • cayenne
  • cinnamon

These are my favorites, and I also love putting fresh ginger root in my tea. I recall a time after I had my third child when I felt my most healthy and happy. I was very diligent in keeping these items in my routine. It was these items, along with being better about sweets, that enabled me to keep from having to give myself insulin shots during my second two pregnancies. After the first pregnancy and having to be hospitalized, and then having to give myself shots every day, I started reading tons of information. My gestational diabetes was so out of control with my first one, that the doc could not believe that I was able to keep from needing insulin with the second two. They kept a very close watch on me and I still had to do all the monitoring and record keeping.

I am going to try to be diligent again at taking them. I do not monitor my blood sugars on a daily basis, but I know there is still a sub-clinical problem. Call it pre-diabetes, call it insulin resistance, call it whatever you want. There are many things that go on in a body that are still yet to be fully understood and how high levels of insulin in the body affect ever other organ is serious. The endocrine system is a negative feed back loop. When things are off it can not only be like a domino effect, but it can also snowball. Insulin is a hormone.

I remember the doc telling me during pregnancies that stress can seriously raise my blood sugar levels and I need to ask for help and take it easy. So, as I am trying to get a clear picture of myself and how these last seven years have been so devastating to my life, my well being and health, and mental health. I read things that reinforce these statements in these pictures above. Sometimes I feel like the stress, anxiety, PTSD, grief, should have killed me by now. How my body has suffered is incredible. Some days I am in so much pain and so exhausted. Seven years they have done this to me and they have the audacity to make light of it. They have the audacity to try and provoke me in the midst of tremendous suffering. And I cannot wrap my mind around it. I cannot understand it. The last 7 years have been devastatingly difficult to say the least.

So, you have to understand something. This magnifying glass that I’ve been put under, this scrutiny that is unjust –all because I intercepted terror, is absurd. You create sanctuary cities for criminals, and you seek to abuse, mistreat, and harass, and destroy those who prevent terror. I am tired. How the stress of the last seven years has manifested in my body is tremendous. How I’ve suffered in my heart and mind and spirit is even greater than all the physical pain, stress and anxiety I have felt. So, it has been so incredibly outrageous to have others think the thing to do is further harass me.

So, you have to understand something. This morning when I had to attend a briefing for public health before I started answering the phones, I listened to very concerned and caring words by those who want everyone who is feeling stressed by all the corona virus calls over the last few weeks to take breaks, tend to their self, to do things to help with the stress or feeling overwhelmed…… it was encouraging words for all as they are feeling “done” and exhausted.

I had to walk away.

Seven years and after devastating loss and circumstances all while going through this horror all alone, to finally secure a job, and then undergo a constant barrage of harassment by certain staff members and those hiding behind the scenes as they continue to withhold connection…..well, it was too much for me at that moment to hear that.

Soldiers duck and cover. Lynnette, a civilian mom, is expected to go to work with a smile on her face and take all the harassment while my life, and my children’s lives are in danger. Repeatedly, for seven years, daily, over and over. I feel as though I haven’t slept in 7 years. Don’t you fucking show an ounce of emotion though, Lynnette. Or we will gas your office, or fuck with your head, or gaslight you, or stonewall you, or subject you to endless taunting daily for months at your job……..

But hey, everyone is feeling on edge from all the stress from the corona virus and it is so very important to ask for help, to take a break if you need it, if you feel overwhelmed take a walk……..

I had to walk away.

What you’ve done to me is not only unethical, it is inhumane, it is abuse. The last seven years is criminal abuse.

Hey everyone, protect your spirit and recognize if you need a break and we are all struggling with the stress and I heard a few of you say you hadn’t slept well and were really feeling on edge….

How do you think I have felt during this, all of this, for the last seven years of my life –and no I don’t get to simply clock out at the end of the day. And then to, on top of everything, show up to work and be taunted, harassed, abused, provoked…. Because trying to provoke someone with PTSD is so fun. Because you are so corrupt you think you are supposed to subject citizens to a barrage of psychological abuse so you can then punish them for reacting.

I am tired.

So, to hear that this morning, it was a bit more than I could stomach.

You have no “honorable strategy”. The whole thing is such a disgrace. Those who make light of it and trivialize it just to keep from being accountable for such horrific behavior are unfit to be entrusted with any office of servitude.

To recognize the importance of encouraging your staff during a stressful time for the community, but to blatantly disregard my human rights for so long and think you are entitled to harass and abuse me while I undergo the most extraordinary and prolonged stress —it is astounding.

No, don’t even try to have that takeaway. None of what I just said implies that the stress everyone is feeling isn’t valid. If you can’t see the point, you are blind in your pride to refuse to acknowledge the wrongs you played a part in.

You haven’t a clue to how I have suffered in my heart and mind. I am in tremendous pain from the lack of sleep and headaches. I have been in tremendous pain from the stress and insurmountable grief.

But hey, Lynnette, if you should see a bomb coming at you and countless innocent lives or your children, you better go to work with a fucking smile on your face, show no emotion, and not speak out at all, or we are going to fuck with your life and attempt to harass, abuse and make you wish you fucking didn’t.

There is no honorable strategy in what you have done and continue to do to me. You are one of two groups: the corrupt psychopathic criminals, or the ignorant and inept, incompetent imbeciles who do their bidding.

The United States government is without legal right to EVER withhold connection or hold a citizens life in harms way.

Protect and Serve. That means something.

We have laws for a reason.

You cannot even begin to understand how tired I am and how tremendously I’ve suffered in my heart, mind and physical body from all of the stress and grief.

It is gross human rights violations. It is criminal abuse and harassment.

Maybe you can think of some clever ways to put me to task, or subject me to some neat ways that expose me to a constant sensory assault. That sounds fun.

Forget ethics and law, you cannot even grasp common sense and common decency.

But hey everyone, we know you all are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and done with the last few weeks at work, so please do whatever it is necessary to ask for help, take a break, step away if you need to….. it is important that you recharge and take action if you feel stressed.

Photo by Sharefaith on Pexels.com