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I know this is hard for you all in Hollywood to understand, but there are some of us living a real life, not just trying to put on a show for youtube or instagram, or a blog. What you’ve put me through is not repairable. Understand that. I have a heart that will never be the same, a spirit that is crushed, a mind that has a psychiatric injury that causes severe and critical episodes of extreme depression from PTSD. Today was a fairly good day. I felt pretty good. There was a few times I felt a wave of pain, but I was able to quickly manage it. I wish every day could at least be like today. There are days that I cannot manage it and it takes everything in me just to be functional. The exhaustion from just getting through the day the best I can is indescribable.

All I wanted was to step out in faith and be taken somewhere secure and in connection with those who are of honor. As I am trying to make you understand who I am and who I’ve become from what you’ve done to me out of YOUR depraved spirit and sickness, I also want very much for you to understand who you are.

As deeply as I want so much to have someone close to me who I can confide in and share intimate connection with, I lack the ability to ever see myself in relationship with anyone. There is too much pain. There is no trust. My heart and spirit have been crushed and you are so dense you cannot grasp it. You are so wrapped up in your reality show world.

There are real people in this world with real feelings having real experiences.

The only thing I hope for is to have counsel, friends to be in connection with who are wanting to fight for freedom, for what is right and help me navigate to a place of healing and be in a safe place.

You don’t get it. And to think that after all this time asking, begging, wanting someone to come and help, that you continue to withhold connection and then are wanting me to enter relationship with you so you can have a supernatural baby? I know you are used to your fame-hood that has surrounded you with yes people and getting whatever you want because you have some money, but some of us are living on a deeper level than that. What would you say to me in person? You cannot even be a friend to me.

Not only have many of you let me down, but you don’t care. It is like you are unfeeling. It is like you’ve acted for so long that you can’t grasp what real is.

You have let me down, this gov’t not only let me down, but is guilty of the most serious crimes for what they have done to me. On top of it all, God has let me down the most.

And after saying this I am sure you will feel nothing. And that is fine. Carry on with who you are. But we have rights and laws and it is not fine for those in the gov’t to do what they have done. They are obligated by their position. It is criminal offenses, what has been done to me. It is gross human rights violations. Tangible and significant consequences are due.

This is an absolute truth even though each in their own party pride will ignore it if the person lands on their team:

No one who places political agenda above national security is fit for office, title or uniform –EVER. No one who serves the interests of foreign hostile powers rather than the people is fit for office, title or uniform –EVER. No one who is willing to hold a civilian mom in harms way for a game and withhold connection is fit for office, title or uniform –EVER. No one who willfully recklessly endangers countless Americans for any reason is fit for office, title or uniform –EVER.

7 years of this and you cannot send one person to help me through it. I am glad that God has told me that there will be many of you that will cry out for mercy and will not get any though you cry out for it. I am glad.

Perhaps knowing that God has given me the gift of not having any ability to reproduce is what caused a bit joy in me today. I will never understand people like you.