Well, at least those fantasy men you read about. You know, the ones that are protectors of women. Not the ones who watch you be hunted for 6 years and suffer the most horrific psychiatric trauma because of it that manifests as the darkest depression. Not the ones who tell you they want you while they sleep with other women. And certainly not the ones just waiting for you to come into some kind of fortune, but couldn’t care less to actually “be there” for you during a time when you needed someone the most to talk to and know your truth. Think about it. I know the both of you live in this world where everything is acting and creating a scene, but I am living a real life.
The only thing I am left to do is look at the truth.
I would rather live the truth than a lie. You are who you are. The both of you cannot change the fact that I’ve gone through this for 6 years and you simply watched. Do yourselves a favor and don’t try and believe a lie or fake feelings just because of what? Because you think you can gain some kind of supernatural heir?
I desire a true heart and a real relationship – IF – I am ever healed. Yes, if I am ever healed. I’ve seen too much. I have no desire to let myself be played simply because I am lonely. Keep your current gals and don’t waste my time and don’t waste yours. I deserve to be healed and find happiness. You deserve to find happiness. You do too. That true happiness does not look anything like faking intention just because you want an heir. Nobody ever wins in those situations. I have asked God to make me sterile and prevent me from ever conceiving. How does that make you feel now? Ready to jump in? What about if not only am I baron, but never come into any money? How do you feel now? Like you just can’t live without me? Please. Spare me. I am the most wounded messed up person there is. I am confident there is a reason why neither of you ever showed. Don’t expect me to ever believe your fabulous acting.
As I’ve said before, everyone has a right to be. Everyone has a right to “preference.” If I am ever joined to anyone, it will be a man. I believe, without judgement against anyone else, that the greatest expression of self is between a man and a woman. You be you. I will be me. I don’t desire mixed arrangements with several people or open relationships. You are safe to live your life and your truth. I am safe to live my life and my truth. Without condemnation, all have a right to preference. You forget that I see a great many things, and hear things as well. I do not desire any other type of relationship. I am safe to be me. You are safe to be you.
I do not desire to be with anyone who is only interested in producing a child with me because they believe they will get a genetic hybrid. That is not how Holy Spirit gifts work. And that is not the reason to create a child. That is not a reason to ever want to be with anyone. That is not love. The child comes from the love that is there between the two regardless of whether a child will ever come.
You are safe to be you and to live your truth, and do so without judgement or condemnation –without fear, but in perfect peace, you are safe to be. And so am I.
For some reason this destiny that has been put upon me to feel for others, to seek out truth, to set free all from the bonds of self judgement and release all from religious chains has caused many to believe that me doing so is because of an agenda. I want truth. That is my agenda. I want to end war. I want to end the incorrect reading of the ancient writings to set everyone free and so we can once again host the atmosphere of Heaven and cultivate a paradise here on earth. The fact that some of you have turned that into a sexual agenda is disappointing to say the least. Just as you want to live your truth, so do I. And a part of that truth is being heard, not having others’ opinions forced upon you. You are safe to be you. I am safe to be me. Being angry at the patriarchal shit show doesn’t mean I still don’t like men. Just because I can’t find one that doesn’t irritate me, doesn’t mean I still don’t like them. Nevertheless, my truth is that I am unwell. I cannot be in a relationship, though I do need someone to talk to. I need counsel. I need a place to heal. If that healing ever comes, and if by chance I find someone that I believe is of pure and true feelings, then I guarantee you it will be a man. That said, I have no desire to fall in love with any of you that I’ve seen in visions that God has shown me. You should feel the same way. You should want what is true for you. You should want a true love, not a false thing that is only going to prove itself to be false. You should want that for yourself.
If I am ever healed and able to give of myself to another, then I hope that at that time God will provide a true friend and great companion for the journey who isn’t trying to get a baby. I have asked that I will never have any more children.
So, go on now, get.
Someday you’ll thank me for relieving you of your stupidity.