Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Last night I heard and saw so many things, even a scene with electric circles floating, undulating, before me like uneven smoke rings. They were different colors. And just now hearing the word, “apocalypse”. I saw faces last night that were not natural. They were not of our known natural world, and they were not something we would consider earthly or of mankind.

Fall on your knees. Those lyrics have been on rotation in my mind and they give me chills.

O holy night the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn
Fall on your knees
O hear the angels’ voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born
O night divine o night
O night divine

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn
Fall on your knees
O hear the angels’ voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born
O night divine o night
O night divine

The time line is in His hands. There are things I need to speak of but I know I must wait until the proper time. I know it will be a time not too far off and it will be a time when I can speak of things unknown and from a place that is more secure. I long to speak of them. My new year will be one of waiting on Him to position me. His strategy is laid out. Now, I trust in Him and do so even in light of all that has happened. Being led through the waters has revealed to me the ugly of the deep. Nevertheless, I forge ahead knowing that it will all be worth it, for what is in store is incredible. You know what I want for Christmas? I want more than anything to once and for all lay my burdens down. I want the weight of the past to be shed and gone forever. We often think of laying our burdens down as things of guilt that we carry around, but many times the burdens weighing us down are feelings of hate and anger. Hate is too great of a burden to bear. So, we learn to daily release, and we get to a point where we can do nothing else but say to God that this is too heavy, this hate, this anger, I must give it to you. It all comes down to realizing that judgement is too great a burden to bear and can only be a seat filled by God. He has honored my heart with a time of healing that is near, the space to step into greater things and a newness. He has honored my path with a freedom from the past in such a way that it will never come up before me because it has made me sick to death and been like a rottenness to my bones. He has shown me a new path to a destination that is still unchanged. I am thankful. I often think of how happy Christmas is to me, and I often think of all those who are very sad during this time for various reasons. The holidays have a way of amplifying emotions whether good or bad. If you give yourself nothing else, give yourself the gift of laying down your burdens and walking away from them.

We are so close to another year’s end. All things work together for good for those who love Christ. This is one of the most hopeful things we could ever focus our minds on. It is not that all things are good. So many are evil and horrific. But all things, whether good or bad, can work together for a good, a higher purpose in our soul, when given to Christ who is the author and the finisher of our faith. I do not know how it will feel to be healed, emotionally and physically. But I know I have been shown myself in the future and happiness is resting upon me in such a way I cannot describe and I know I have never known. He showed me a health radiating from within.

This Christmas I do not ask for that health, and neither do I ask for happiness. I ask for nothing else at this point but to lay all my burdens down and to never feel the anger and hatred that I have been under for so long now ever again. We were never designed to carry such heavy things. I am thankful for daily seeing my kids. I am thankful for daily seeing the wondrous mysteries of the night sky. And I am thankful for this journey I have taken that is leading me to the greatest adventure that any one will ever have. There will never be another who blazes the trail into a new era, only those who follow. Lastly, I am thankful for a happiness that I have yet to know that will come by the outpouring of the Holy Spirit fully. It will be the full and complete embodiment of the Spirit.

Today I bought a compilation CD that is called “the songs that saved my life”. While listening to it on the way home He spoke to me and said, “there will be no more sad songs for you.”

2020, a new decade, a new year. I feel so thankful for a sense of only looking forward.